yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize