Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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