It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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