If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize