it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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