Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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