Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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