I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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