Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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