ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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