All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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