I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize