my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize