I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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