I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
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it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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