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I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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