we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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