dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize