have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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