somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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