I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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