I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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