You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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