You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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