Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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