All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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