2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize