i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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