I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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