i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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