i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize