help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I want to fling myself into the sun
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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