you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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