I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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