i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize