Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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