I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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