she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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