I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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