I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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