Its about making memories worth repressing
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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