I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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