Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know her cup size but not her name....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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