I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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