Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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