Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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