that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Pants are for mortals
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize