I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
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As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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