Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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