Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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